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"It’s All Too Much!" - Returning to (Paid) Work After Parental Leave

Returning to work after parental leave isn’t just about getting back to your role—it’s a shift in your whole identity.


What was once a full day focused on work before you became a parent is now divided between job responsibilities, caring for your child, and household tasks. It’s not just a matter of time management; it is also about navigating the emotional changes that come with parenthood.


It often feels like the minute you solve one task, the next one comes up.

Man covered in sticky to-do notes

The sheer amount of things to organise hits you first.


Suddenly, you're not only responsible for yourself and your job, but also for your child’s daily needs. Small children rely on you for everything - meals, sleep routines, clothes, and developmental activities. Even with outside help like daycare, there’s still much to organise - preparing snack boxes, attending parent meetings, and scheduling pick-ups.


(Almost feels like managing two full-time jobs at the same time.)


It does not end with more logistics - the emotional weight also adds to the pressure.


Parenthood amplifies feelings in both directions: new depths of love and also increased worries. A simple work task that once took 30 minutes now feels like a mountain to climb, as your focus is split between the job and worrying about how your child is settling in at daycare. What used to be straightforward now carries the added weight of parental concern, making it harder to concentrate.


It’s not that you care less about your job; it’s that your emotional resources are stretched thin.


And when it comes to self-care, your own needs are sidelined.


Evenings used to be your time to recharge - whether that was hitting the gym, catching up with friends, or simply unwinding. Now the day doesn’t end when you close your laptop; it stretches well beyond work hours, filled with cooking, after-school activities, and bedtime routines and extends into your role as a caregiver.


It’s easy to see how exhaustion and burnout become inevitable.

Baby playing with a toy computer

Next, your career goals may start to feel out of reach.


Even though you may still be feeling driven and ambitious, the reality of splitting your time between work and parenting can make it difficult to take on the same challenges you once did. Logically, you know this phase won’t last forever, but it can be frustrating to feel like your professional momentum is slowing down.


The clash between wanting to excel at work and needing to be there for your child can stir feelings of guilt and doubt.


And then there’s the physical toll.


Returning to work while adjusting to the demands of parenthood often means dealing with sleep deprivation, hormonal shifts, and a lack of time for self-care. This physical exhaustion can make it hard to stay focused at work while also leaving you feeling constantly "underwater" at home.


When exhaustion sets in, handling stress becomes even harder.


This is where our coping mechanisms come into play.


When we feel overwhelmed, we often turn to sources of immediate comfort - whether it’s endlessly scrolling through social media, indulging in late-night snacks, or zoning out in front of the TV. While these habits can offer a brief escape from the chaos, they don’t address the root of the issue.


Too often, we also fall into a cycle of self-criticism for these habits, only adding to our sense of stress and frustration.


To make things more complicated, both parents are adjusting and struggling, often in silence.


Your partner is likely going through similar struggles, as the time and energy that once nurtured your relationship is now directed at parenting. Without communication, this shift can add another layer of stress, as both of you are emotionally drained and struggling to adjust to the new reality.


For both parents it can feel like there’s no end in sight and no external support.


But small changes can make a big difference.


Start by identifying what feels most challenging at this particular time. Is it the chaotic morning routine, the feeling of guilt of leaving your child with a caregiver, or the difficulty focusing at work? Once you pinpoint it, consider small adjustments—like setting clothes out the night before, checking in with your caregiver about how your child is adjusting, or taking an extra day off for yourself.


Small shifts can make things feel more manageable.


Focusing on what we ourselves need is key to be able to keep the balance.


"Put your own oxygen mask on before helping others" applies not just on airplanes, but in everyday life too - you need to be steady and have your needs met to care for those around you. By nurturing your internal state and seeking help - whether from loved ones, colleagues, or a professional - you equip yourself with the resilience needed to handle both the demands of parenting and work more smoothly.


Your identity as a parent is still evolving, and you have the power to shape how it grows.


Setting boundaries and finding support is key to a smoother transition.


Setting boundaries and seeking support isn’t just about managing the external demands of work and home - it’s about safeguarding your inner equilibrium. Negotiating flexible hours, delegating tasks at home, and making time for self-care are important, but they are most effective when you first ensure your own emotional needs are met.


When you prioritise your well-being, the pressure of balancing work and parenting begins to ease. You start to see more clearly that you can meet the demands of both without feeling overwhelmed, allowing yourself to grow into your new role with love and care.

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